Online-regeneration

Online: operating under the direct control of, or connected to, a main computer. "A main computer" is what I want to point out here and is the object I had no access to for a while. Ok sure, I've been back for weeks now, but before you judge, you should try to go somewhere completely secluded (the bush) for a LONG time (month and a half) and return to your loved ones. In a sense, yes there were computers around in Montreal but not "a main computer".

Tree planting went how it goes. Sometimes we would plant more than one kind of tree. Oh no, the clear cuts weren't complete monocultures, we had spruce, pine AND balsam fir this year. I know this is all so exciting and interesting to you...
FYI- they were all covered in pesticides except for one contractor (but they were a university research centre). You should know that in comparison to most I am obsessed with trees but that also I am back and this blog will once again provide you with minutes of fun on a weekly basis.

Woohoo!
Round one: eating duck while playing duck hunt

Bingo daubers are a thing of the past

Wishing it were Wednesday...

And here I am, in Prince George, again. This year though, I am stuck doing nothing for three entire days. The only nice cafe and cool bar (the generator) shut their doors since last year. Fun. I see that the porn store XXXtreme is still open and doing well. And for those of you that might fight this useful, on Wednesdays can you get a two for one deal on movie rentals. This information was hard not to notice as the sights along the suburban roads are 'extremely' dull.

For the ones of us here sharing 5 double beds and a couch (in the same hotel room), we are discovering the fantastic things that PG has to offer:
-The most expensive beer in the world (I bought a 12 pack of Kokanee last night for 22$)
-Really expensive cigarettes AND 25 packs do not exist here
-An interesting variety of rednecks that enjoy displaying particular artistic images on their massive trucks that stand 2 metres of the road
-A bingo hall where you can enjoy hours fun for the low cost of 10$
-The most varied weather in the span of one day (the 7 day forecast actually predicts: rain/sunny, mix, mix, rain/showers, cloudy/ rain, mix, cloudy/rain)
-And a distinctive smell, a bad one

I actually can't wait to start planting.

Scopions and maize

It's the afternoon in Montreal and the rain seems to be making everyone down. Not me, I just finished my last exam for this year. I am feeling so happy, it just sucks that I have to work.

With the rain, I decide to take the bus home. All of a sudden, about 10 kids walk on to the bus. All you hear is the bus driver telling them: "hold your school bags in your hands". The little boys make their way into the back next to where I am sitting. They are puzzled as to why the bus driver would request such a thing.

The young ones were speaking in French and started to ask each other: "Est-ce-que toi t'a des ami ou des ami (e)"? Of course, none admitted that they had female friends and that was cute. But the cutest was yet to come. One of them stated his outrage with GMOs. "Moi je trouve sa degeulasse les OMG! Tu sait qu'il mettent de l'ADN de scorpion dans le mais?" I actually felt like turning over to him and start discussing the subject. He knew more about it than most adults a have to deal with on a daily basis. His outrage, for whatever the reason, gave me hope that the future generation will react negatively to GMOs. This made my day.

Cherry tomato

In honor of only having one class left to go in sociolinguistics I will discuss it my teacher's new record. Oh yes, she said 'ok' 72 times during last class. I'm afraid that I am not doing well in this class and no, there is no correlation between my grade and keeping track of her tag questions.

I did learn something in this class though: cherry tomatoes sink when in coffee. Cool ah? Who knew? You may be asking yourself: why would a sociolinguistics teacher be talking about cherry tomatoes? She wasn't (she's not that cool). My roommate did the experiment when one day I bought myself a sandwich that came with a cherry tomato. Jon asked me if he could have the tomato (being vegan and all) and I agreed. But Jon also had a coffee. Ploup. I laughed really hard when it sank and never came back up. It was the best sociolinguistics class ever...

Tom Hurtin's

Twice a year Tim's raise the living conditions of Canadians all over the country. The coffee chain teases us with the chance of winning fabulous prizes like a free coffee. In fact, all I really wanted was a free coffee or donut... but nothing. I must have bought 25 Tim's coffees during this roll up the rim season, still nothing... Furthermore, my roommate and I would be each other coffees in hope that either of us would win, at worst share half the prize. Neither of us won anything. I guess that'll teach me for buying coffees without my non-polluting takeout coffee mug.

Leon's quote of the day

S'a pousse pas dans les craques du sidewalk!!!

Veronica's quote of the day

You've got to feel the beer, just be the beer."

My kind of ride

If you have had the joy of being in Montreal during winter, you may have witnessed the snow removal parades. Before anything starts, there's a truck that drives down the street blasting the most annoying siren. This noise from hell let's car owners that that their vehicle is going to be to be towed if they don't relocate it. The joys of driving in Montreal I guess... Moments after, mega trucks pass buy to remove the snow. Following them are the mini sidewalk plowers.

At my work, where I am a waitress, I met the crew that plows my area. Of course me being me, it didn't take long before I asked the boss of the crew to let me ride one of those babies (the plowing machine not one of the guys). He said yes! The guy in the picture had the pleasure of showing me how to drive it. He didn't even care that I almost rammed into two or three cars. It was so much fun! The other day he saw me walking home and gave me a lift. Much better than public transportation.

Leon's quote of the day

"If I were a jellyfish, maybe then, I wouldn't have to pay taxes..."

Regular pee or monkey pee: that is the question.

The weather has been warm in Montreal for the last couple of days. So, this morning I told myself that I would shovel the snow off the patio in my backyard heaven.

Surprise! Great, more garbage for my collection! Oh fancy... a big bottle of beer, and what's this? A nutri-grain wrapper? Nope. ANOTHER bottle of yellow spring water!

Those poor kids next door really have no clue that you can enjoy beer. Yet they decide to buy the worst kinds (Tremblay, Black Label) and cringe after every sip. That Black Label is potent with 7.0% alc. and it tastes like monkey piss.

Now there are two bottles of yellow spring water! I can see it now, one of the unfortunate souls living next door was drinking the shit beer. All of a sudden the need to go came like a tsunami. He/she must have been waiting for minutes to use the washroom and then saw the bottle of water and voilà! Release.

At least they didn't pee in my yard. No but really though, I can't tell if it is piss. And notice how the two bottles contain liquids that are different shades of yellow. I'm not about to open the lids and smell it either. This is what I think may have happened: The cheap people of next door noticed that the beer they bought was disgusting and decided in a stupid attempt to make it drinkable to water it down.

I feel like a toonie

Writing a paper is so anti-climactic.
You stress, you don't sleep enough, don't eat enough, drink a lot of coffee, etc. The morning it's due you wake up, make a last reviews, and then you start to feel good. You print it out, go to class, give it to the teacher, and by this point you feel like a hundred bucks!
Yet, people aren't clapping.

Fuck it, just get high

I have been working on this paper for my forest management class for days now. Don't even ask me what it's about. I know what it's about. I do. Promise.
I just can't think anymore more and you know you're tired when I actually typed: "I jsu cnat' think naymore..."

Well. I better get back to writing my paper about forestry so I can have more paper to write my paper on about paper.
And so we're able to wipe all of our asses!

Leon's boss' quote of the day!

"Leon, just because nobody understands you, it doesn't mean that you're a fucking artist!"

Was it called the skip-it?

I've said it before and I'll say it again, myspace is a pain in the ass. Pour some slush onto my bare brain and that what it feels like when I have to listen to yet another little crappy band. Not forgetting regular people like Britney: "Britney <3 <3 <3 wants to be my friend! She sure looks smart! I feel so popular!"

Like the hula hoop, tie-dye t-shirts and Pokemon, myspace has come and gone. Pokemon was never one of my fads but that ankle thing with the counter that would go round sure was! I got tired of that one fast enough though.

"Myspace, we need to talk. I don't think it's gonna work. You're just too needy. It wasn't all bad, we had fun in the beginning. We went out, met some people. I just feel that we've just grown apart. You like really crappy music and that's kind of a turn off. You like hot girls and guys that offer webcam services and I'm not really into that. It's over. I'll go pick up my stuff soon."

Jazzy got her gun and ate it too

You know when you live a really charged week and by the end of it you're actually thinking of ways out. "Hey Jon let's rent a car so you can hit me with it (gently), that way I could get out of writing my exam tonight." "Or I could kill you" he said. "That way I could get out of writing MY exam! I'd be mourning my roommate!"

And then... Can't find my ID card and I need it to write my exam! By this point there were tears in my eyes. Turns out, getting another card is the easiest process in university. "I lost my card." "Here you go!"

My social problems exam was a breeze. Summer breeze... Makes me feel fine... Blowing through the... yeah yeah. One of the questions actually went like this:
Homophobia is:
a) someone that is leaving home
b) someone who is against homosexuals
c) someone who likes sex
d) someone who is against men
Thank you lazy teacher that can't think of anything more challenging to ask!

On my way home the ticket booth guy in the metro gave me a freebie on the fee cause he had to change the transfers for the bus. And when I got on the platform, guess what, the metro arrived! Wow, I am the luckiest person on Earth.

Leon's quote of the day

"I just wanna take a real heavy glove and go downtown and slap people in the face with it... or a real sloppy mitaine".

Jazzy got her gun

Monday morning, I wake up, make coffee and relax. An hour before noon, I e-mail my history professor to ask him when our book report is due (I'm thinking in like a week or so). It is noon when I get his reply: "The paper is due on Wednesday, I hope this doesn't come as a surprise..."
OMG! Surprise!

I'm freakin. Run to the metro, go to Chapter's, they're out of the book, go to the Concordia bookstore, they have it, 20$. One o'clock, take the bus home, find a cafe, park my ass down until the book is done. Six o'clock, go home eat some random student crap, aka chips, go back out, write the paper.
Ten o'clock. Done! Done? Holy shit, done!

This book has incredibly sad. However, I recommend it. The story is about a man who loses his limbs, hearing and half of his face in WWI, his mouth, nose and eyes are gone. With only his mind and no one to communicate to, his thoughts on war evolve and become increasingly negative. This work was a deep reflection on the illogic of war. The ups and downs of the story fed my stressed adrenaline levels.

Not in my heaven please

This is my backyard. As a student living in Montreal a backyard is like owning a personal piece of green heaven.

In winter we have to maintain a pathway to our composter. In doing so the shovel will hit random pieces of junk.

Junk you ask? Yes random shit that's fallen off of our neighbours second floor balcony.

"I don't remember buying a bottle of yellow natural spring water". Man, I don't even want to know what's in there! Then I find a container of Activa yogurt, seems as though the fuckers are health conscious, yeah right, it was probably on sale.

From what I can see, their balcony is a sad place to stand. Notice how the cardboard has an icicle of it. And the two-four of Tremblay. That last one sort of makes me pity them... but no.

Unfortunately, the slobs from upstairs have being doing this ever since we moved in September. They're not actually "doing this" what they are doing is not throwing out their trash like civilised people. Instead they stash it on the balcony where the wind does a fine job of carrying it onto my property.

What should I do?

Leon's quote of the day

"I feel like a big bag of mashed assholes".

The J-spot

So, my roommate and I had some friends over and as any normal people would we started talking about sex. One of our friends from out of town told us that she was taking a class in that subject. One thing led to another and soon enough we were taking about the female ejaculation.

The gay men in the room seemed to have a lack of knowledge on the vagina and its many secrets. They were out of the loop. "Does it really shoot it out, like a penis?" they asked. "Yes!" replied the two lesbians and the one straight girl.

Two days later, my roommate was still very perplexed as to how this could happen. We then decided to Xtube it. For those of you who don't know what Xtube is, picture YouTube but with porn, it's free and fun. If you don't know what YouTube is well I can't really help you.

Gay he was before, but now, well yeah that was it. Surely enough, there it was, women cumming like there was no tomorrow. I had never seen so much liquid come out of vagina, I don't even think I can pee that much. It was liquid like pee but it wasn't pee. Nasty love juices all over place, people, the sheets, mattress, you name it. Someone could potentially sue you in the States for having cummed all over their shit and damaged it.

By this point I was very confused. I had never felt the joy of being a happy human fountain. I mentioned it to one of my girl friends and she told me it was indeed possible, she had in fact fucked up one of her keyboards because she came all over it. Then she said, once you know where the G-spot is this can happen to you. As any good friend would, she told me where my G-spot was, aka the J-spot.

Those videos really traumatised me though. I'll experiment when I'll have drank enough booze to kill the brain cells with the memories in question.

I can count up to 47

South park has Mr. Mackey and the linguistic department at Concordia has Professor Teffeteller... Mmmokay. I don't seem to think when I register for my classes and end up taking shit like sociolinguistics. One semester I ended it up in a critical thinking class, oh that was painful. If you want to torture me, put me in a philosophy class. The worst part is, I still don't think critically.

Sociolinguistics is a really boring class for those of you who are thinking "...that could be interesting". My friend Jon likes it but that just means the next time he says "hey we should take a class together and it should be this one..." that I have to stand up and say NO, bad Jon!

Oh man... The teacher shows up to class with her two little worshipers (the two TAs) and then the fun begins. They discuss and consult each other on how they should turn on the computer and dim the lights. Fifteen minutes later, the lecture begins.

The prof likes to make sure that people understand. So, she always says Okay...?, Right...? and Yeah...? Actually, I do understand and those are called minimal responses, thanks professor. She says OK exactly like Mr. Mackey on South Park. As a fresh rookie linguist I noticed this the first class. As weeks past and I realised the class would never really get interesting I made my own fun and started counting the number of times she would say okay, right, and yeah in class. I made a section for each word on my page and I put a line down for each time she says the words. I counted 47 times for okay! Plus, I stopped counting in the middle of class because someone text messaged me.

Yeah?

Oh man

For Christmas, one of my friends gave me this: a 1000 DRINKING Games. Good thing I forgot it in Moncton because this equals 2 years and 270 days of drinking games. Jesus, I drink of my own will already... Could you imaging what would remain of my liver by the time I would reach the age of (23 and some + 2 years and 270 days) 26?

It had the weirdest way of explaining the rules, in fact, the rules made no sense at all. You know what that means; on top of things you had to be drunk to play the game! "Hey guys, guys, lets... lets play it like this".... Yeah! Woohoo booze!

Props to the guys, and yes they would be guys, who invented the game though. One night they got drunk and realised they had no more money so they smoked their last joint and one of them said "lets like... lets like find a way to make money dude". "Yo! That's a good idea man". And tada! The drinking game was born!

Myspace and smokes

Fourteen days ago I became a non-smoker. I must admit that I have cheated and will probably continue to cheat from time to time.

Quiting nicotine is hard. For you non-smokers out there it's kind of like not checking your Myspace for an entire day. Try, you can't. And unfortunately, there's no readily available patch for myspace. There are healthier alternatives such as facebook but they can be addictive.

One day though... When I'll be too cool for Myspace or something really embarrassing on my page will occur I will go in my account settings to click on "cancel account". Cold turkey.

I feel cool on Myspace but it hurts my brain.

Real estate market: boxes

Can't afford a hotel, motel, or a tent? The box might just be the thing you were looking for all along. This particular type of real estate market might just offer you things you never thought possible. Yes, you could own your very own box!

Over the years, cardboard boxes have kept at a steady rate on the market. Unfortunately, this means that the box can't be sold for much more than what you bought it for.

Not for you you say? Well, maybe check out the Waxy cardboard boxes. They're smaller in size than regular boxes but the wax makes your new box more weather resistant. Because of its smaller size it's also more portable, just like an RV.

New on the market are dick in a box boxes and box in a box boxes. Growing in popularity, both these types offer a nice peephole. However, the box in a box boxes are the only ones to have a door. Just ask Justin Timberlake, he recently bought a dick in a box box and he sure looks happy. However, these boxes are very expensive and are generally given as gifts by the rich.

Cross Canada drive back to reality

You'd think that after tree planting for an entire summer that I coulfd afford to buy myself a plane ticket back home... Well yes, but that would have been the rest of my money. Instead, I decided to drive through the country.

Anton and Tomaz wanted to drive continuously. From Alberta to Ontario, no stops, except to pee and eat.

I was SO tired. Three nights and three days in a car catching sleep in increments of 3-4 hours is though on the body and brain.

We caught some nice views though. Spotted this massive cumulonimbus cloud across Saskatchewan. And that's me on the right looking like a heroine/crack addict.

Finally got to Sudbury where I got onto a bus for Ottawa. That ride was sweet, I slept. When I got to Montreal, I parked my ass on Jon's couch for four days to watch tv and play video games. I love Jon.

Montreal is too much after having stayed in the bush for the summer. Everything seems fake when you get back. Makeup? I have to straighten my hair now? What the hell? Yeah... So I ran away to Moncton, for three weeks! My god, to be back at the folks place with a real bed, free food and cable needs no further elaboration. The now enhanced tomboy in me helped my dad replace the shingles on our roof. And I actually had fun doing it, well it helped that he paid me but still I'd do it again.

My real estate market

This is my summer house: my tent.

The t.p. is useful at night when it's too dark and cold to walk to the shitters. Sometimes, depending on the camp site, the shitters were really far. Honestly, by the end, no one wipes, I mean for girls.

Here the mattress looks inflated but this is either an optical illusion or the first and only night it had no hole. I suppose next year I should buy a mattress that's worth more than 10 bucks. It was alright without one though, I improvised, slept on all my clothes.

The blue thing in the back serves no real purpose, it only makes my tent a little girlier. Maman nounourse (my teddy bear) was there though, that made my tent real girly.

This was a good tent but the zipper started acting up toward the end. I think it was from camping in a gravel pit for two weeks, all that dust clogged it. Someone gave me another tent but that zipper's fucked too.

Does anyone have a house for sale?